Every exit is…an entrance someplace else.

—Tom Stoppard, playwright

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.

— Arthur Ashe, athlete

Isn’t it great that we, as empty nesters, don’t have to ask permission anymore?

And isn’t it great that we learned to be thoughtful and think before we act?

I wonder if our children feel that newness of deciding and thinking away from home.

 Sure they call and connect and throw ideas around with us and then don’t call, but mostly we, as parents, support them to think creatively and deal with the good and not so good decisions they make, by saying to them, “What do you think?”

I wish we would be that kind to ourselves as we are thinking about what is next for us.  It is okay for our children to explore and course-correct their mistakes which, for sure, they will make.

We smile, observing our children learn and take new steps, but we forget to do that for ourselves.

We have never been here before in the emptiness of our lives.  We haven’t had this much free time or silence.

We haven’t focused on ourselves this much and it is simply what we need to practice …FOCUS ON YOURSELF.

Focus on yourself means to pause before you react to calling your children.

Focus on yourself means to check in with yourself throughout the day and evening, saying, “How am I doing right now? What am I feeling?  What do I need?”

There is a sweet connection to self, like what I feel stepping outside in these spring days, automatically smelling roses, lavender, and jasmine.

The sweet connection is loving having time just with you, not isolating yourself, but feeling the unique sweetness of you.

I love writing and rituals, so I suggest in this month of May, when some are crumbling their Kleenex at graduations and others aren’t having their children home for celebrations or meals, that you write a letter to yourself.

Just let yourself write. Don’t stop to fix anything…not grammar, spelling, words, thoughts; let the words fall out of you and don’t listen to your inner critic.

Whatever you write is what you write.  You don’t have to use these starters.  Write a letter to yourself on the computer or with pen and paper. 

Read it out loud and then put it away.

Notice what you are feeling ….lighter, sadder, energetic, surprised.  Simply notice with no comments about what that means.

I think we over think ourselves. I think we over think ourselves. I think we over think ourselves.  Quiet that chatter about doing and analyzing or having to put meaning to whatever it is or talking ourselves out of it, as I do about going to the gym:

“I don’t have time. I can do it later. It won’t help to do just twenty minutes.”  I have learned to stop that chatter and just get out the door.

Simply have an experience of writing to yourself.

Give yourself a half hour of this creative time with self.

Writing is a time of listening to yourself…being with you with no red marks or a grade on your paper or children to go pick up.

Enjoy this time of letting words show up on the paper. No one will see it but you. You can rip it up if you want to.

Some of you have heard me share that I had no idea how much I love writing until I became an empty nester.

 When I was in third grade my teacher assigned us to write our autobiography.  I titled mine, LITTLE OLE ME.  She wrote on the front page, “You could be a great writer if you want to be.”

I forgot that until I was an empty nester and had time in my emptiness to journal.  I don’t think I am a great writer, but I do feel alive when I write and I know myself better. I feel creative.

I used to write in my diary when I was a young girl.  I wrote…Dear God…Later I changed it to, Dear Dad…and later to Dear Me…Yes, I could analyze those changes, but I don’t need to. I just need to write. I keep memories and feel the sheer joy of sitting down with myself and seeing what shows up on the paper. I use my imagination to write what isn’t true, like being a different character in a story who is being paid to travel and send notes to the “boss” about the best eateries in town. Imagination!

Here’s a secret:

You don’t have to know what you are going to write before you sit down to write.

That voice that says, “Well, I don’t have anything to write about” will move to the side and let the other parts come forward.  The first line could be, “I don’t know what to write about today.”

The fun is seeing what does show up when you give time to you; when you focus on you. Sit with the blank page, close your eyes, and then write. When I just did that, as I do often, I heard the line…It is early morning. Just me and the birds outside. 

I can start with that and keep going.

Dear, precious mothers, this May month of Mother’s Day… May you appreciate the life you have ……. May you value YOU.

• Care for you


• Focus on you


• Value your life

Give attention to the wonderful parts of your life. Write about them just so you can read about you.

It is not selfish to focus on you. It is inspiring.

 

May Highlights

 Private Consultations

Empty Nesters have been calling from across the country for support. Call Natalie and schedule a consultation at the toll free number (800) 446-3310

Testimonials

Natalie understood what I was talking about and assigned names to feelings I had wanted to identify.  What a relief it was to know what I was feeling had already been studied, identified and named!   She knew the answers. She comforted me by explaining that my frustration about addressing and solving my issue was due to a cultural lack of teaching and understanding about these things and she offered me some new plans for change in my thinking. Natalie was specific in her direction and gave me a homework assignment. She gave me some new language and ideas that I could Google for more comprehensive enlightenment. She was kind and soft, yet intelligent and wise from experience.  I’m very glad she’s come into my life.

M.A. Sinnhuber, Pittsburgh, PA

Teleseminar

Don’t miss Natalie on the Empty Nest Teleseminar for Wings to Your Dreams; May 22, Noon Pacific Time.  Go to http://www.inspiredlifedesign.com/teleclasses/WingsOverviewPage.pdf for more information.

JOURNALING THROUGH THE TRANSITION

Email me if you are interested in joining a journaling group that you can experience online, sitting in your cozy jammies, with other parents writing to safely and surprisingly heal and discover.  natalie@emptynestsupport.com

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